Arsenal Banter Archive September 07 2014

 

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07 Sep 2014 22:21:41
Whatever happened to the fair shoulder barge :-)
Will we be asking what ever happened to the sliding tackle in a few years from now?

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{Ed025's Note - i think we will G62...the game is full of pussies now mate, i can still remember when bert troutman broke his neck and played on in the cup final, now you have players like suarez and bale who writhe around the pitch if they break a nail..

When I played at a very low level admittedly if someone had started pulling my shirt at a corner I'd have probably taken it off and handed it to him, as I'd have either thought it was a joke or he wasn't very well.
Personally I think Willie Young's pull on Paul Allen's shirt was a lot more honest than what goes on continually in today's game

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{Ed025's Note - im with you G62...im a poet and dont even know it.. :)

08 Sep 2014 00:06:36
Without coming across as being controversial, and I'm not too sure if there's another way to say it, whilst the influx of foreign players has brought a higher technical level to our shores, it has with it, also introduced a degree of play acting and unsporting conduct.

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08 Sep 2014 06:32:06
Not sure if I agree wholeheartedly with that Dags. Lot of British divers, it's being thought through the academy's to go down when there's "contact". Young and Bale for example didn't just pick it up off the foreign players.

I think a major problem is that bona fide fouls aren't awarded if you stay standing. In a lot cases you have to go to ground to have the free awarded.

One simple way of dealing with it. Retrospective banning.
Should have been introduced years ago, it is cheating after all.

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I don't know if it is being taught in academies as I have been to a few with my sons and never heard or seen that. But what I will say is that kids will copy what they see on TV that's for sure. We have one of the most prolific divers at Arsenal I'm afraid to say to the point it's getting embarrassing.

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I think you've hit the nail on the head there golds kids copy what they see on tv, I know after the 71 cup final I couldn't wait to get out with my mates and score a goal so I could lay down like Charlie George who was my hero.
I agree with the retrospective idea totally if no contact has happen and a player dives it should carry a 3 game ban.
Surely conning the referee or even CLAELY trying to should be seen as a major offence.
If everyone is trying to continuously con una the ref surely his mistakes are much more likely

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08 Sep 2014 11:28:08
I hear what you are saying Sheeny old chap, but I do believe the stream of foreign players, whilst I wholeheartedly agree with it, has been the catalyst for, let's just say, unsavoury gamesmanship.

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I was always told to go down by the best coaches. They said as a striker you but fouls. You make the opposition foul you, for example if you see someone charging at you and you know there coming in physically, you make sure you're off balance when they hit you, so you go flying and win the foul. However, I never made a meal of the extent of pain I was in from the foul. That's exusively for persons

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Female refs at this level are still relatively scarce and the chances of one beign called Una is almost nil I would think so I wouldn't worry about it G62.

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I think Paul Allen should have been booked for slowing down and letting Willie Young tackle him :)

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Golds - who are you refering to at AFC as a big diver?

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08 Sep 2014 14:32:47
SY4,

"I think Paul Allen should be booked for slowing down and letting Willie Young tackle him".

Love it, best quote ever mate.

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Forgetting a certain Mirallad ed?

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{Ed025's Note - miralles has taken the odd tumble reet, but hes not a serial cheat like suarez, young and bale mate..

Think you are being a little harsh om suarez ed
He reduced his diving s lot last season although his reaction even on being genuinely clipped are hilarious
and young I think he grew up on very slippery floors

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I'm not sure where una came from CEC mate :-)
Sometimes my level of incompetents still amazes me

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08 Sep 2014 20:35:53
As much as I hate it, diving is an unbelievable talent.

Players traveling 15-20mph
In sometimes deafening stadiums
With the stakes running in the millions
Have the bodily awareness, cunning and timing to fall over in a half second reaction to the faintest of touches.

I'm not being facetious when I say that.

Have you ever been clipped in a Sunday League game and go down 3 seconds after the contact because you only registered it 5 yards on?

It's a real skill. I reckon there are far more dives than we notice. Clips that would never take you down but the players have such kinesthetic intelligence the register it a drop in almost the same motion.

We see lads looking for it or leaving the leg in. Those are bad divers

Kids are training that kind of motor control at a young age. It's not like they have drills in it but they're told to go down in the box when the opportunity presents itself. Happened with my brother on a Stoke trial.

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{Ed025's Note - thats one way of looking at it sheeny..

08 Sep 2014 20:52:37
lol, ed.

I feel like it's akin to saying the Tour de France should be awarded to the best chemist.

Skirting dope regulations is a talent to :P

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{Ed025's Note - love it sheeny..

I agree with sheeny on all points made. I had a manager with a Uefa pro qualification back when I was 14 and one of the core skills he taught us was how to go down properly (along with how to cross with your weaker foot -possibly one of the most important skills you can learn as free playing number 10). He always said he hated it as a skill but that in all the top countries accross Europe, ie Spain, France, Portugal, Germany they were all taught how to go down. He reckoned that the reason why english football was on the decline was because english footballers were not being taught how to play the same tactical and technical game as everyone else was but instead was to intent on producing slogers, 'good honest' players, who'd get stuck in. He said you don't want to be a good honest player you want to be the best. And often that involves putting on a show for the ref when you know you've met your match.

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09 Sep 2014 21:16:32
It's disgusting really though. The people in charge of perpetuating the game are the ones guilty of inducing it's decline :(

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07 Sep 2014 23:09:40
Did you know its impossible to seesaw on your own

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08 Sep 2014 08:11:33
Disagree mate.

The other day I went to see saw on my own.

I do love a good horror film :-)

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No mate I ment the ride in the local park, you know the one where you get on one end and someone else gets on the other end.
Sorry about the confusion Dags :-)

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08 Sep 2014 11:02:38
I know G62,

Only pulling your chain mate :-)

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I know you know Mr Dagala, I was pulling your chain in a more subtle fashion usually reserved for kings of comedy, but with you I thought I'd make an exception :-)

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07 Sep 2014 18:55:05
It took weeks to convince me that Peter Storey was real. That guy was one certified badbottom and I don't think any other footballer will ever be as controversial

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07 Sep 2014 18:01:32
Radamel Falcao after signing for Manchester United

Falcao: It has always been my dream to play for Manchester United

Reporter: But a few days back, you said it was your dream to play for Real Madrid

Falcao: I dream of a lot of things

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His dreams of a mega pay day in return for one lost nightmare season in his career just came true

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Exceptionally talented footballer but I honestly don't think there is a bigger mercenary in the game today

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07 Sep 2014 16:18:06
Hi Eds, do you know if Arsenal are looking at any free agents to fill the CB or DM positions that we didn't manage to fill during the window?

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{Ed002's Note - I really don't know.}

08 Sep 2014 22:15:54
We have Arteta, Flamini and Diaby to fill CDM. Even Coquelian or Wilshere if needed. As for defence I don't think there are any worth signing. We don't want another Squillaci on our hands. I guess Coq can cover RB and LB, Flamini can alos play LB and CB. Hayden and Bellerin might be on the bench afew times and get game time.

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07 Sep 2014 15:31:49
Let's start an interesting fact topic, purely as a sideline so it doesn't interfere with the footy.

Did you know,

Sherlock Holmes never ever said "Elementary my dear Watson".

Captain kirk never said "Beam me up Scotty".

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07 Sep 2014 17:13:57
Apparently women who put a little weight on live a lot longer than the men who mention it.

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Bogart never said play it again sam

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More people die each year from coconuts falling on there heads from the trees than are killed by sharks each year

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"On tender hooks"

Should actually be

"on tenterhooks"

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07 Sep 2014 17:35:46
Vader didn't say "luke, I am you're father"

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07 Sep 2014 19:08:51
James Cagney never said, "You dirty rat"

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07 Sep 2014 20:01:05
In the original Star Wars obi-won never says "may the force be with you"

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David Jason wasn't the original choice to play Del boy and only got the part by default

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07 Sep 2014 21:09:44
Courtney cox was ment to be Rachel in friends. :-/

Damn i'm whipped lol

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07 Sep 2014 21:13:13
Very good Gents.

Did you know Sly Stallone only got the part of Rambo because Dustin Hoffman turned it down.

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07 Sep 2014 21:51:07
Nice one Chris :-)

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{Ed025's Note - yes dags...chris is really whipped.. :)

07 Sep 2014 22:31:48
Mel Gibson got his first role (mad max) when he drove his mate to audition for the role. Director saw him and thought he'd be perfect.

Han Solo was frozen in carbanite at the end of empire because they were unsure of he'd re praise his role.

Nicholas Cage was meant to star as superman in a film directed by Kevin smith, but went over budget and was canned (google the images)

Beverly Hills cop was initial planned to be an action movie starring sylvestor Stallone but producers decided it would cost too much and recast

Guilleme del toro had a script and was set to produce his adaptations of lovecrafts "at the mountains of madness" universal thought it was too similar to Prometheus and canned it

. and on that I'm going to go reevaluate my life decisions.

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{Ed025's Note - good idea roland.....watch you dont ruin the hood on your anorak on your way out mate.. :)

07 Sep 2014 22:40:22
Didn't Stallone write Rambo?

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{Ed025's Note - no mate i think it was david morrell..

Here's one that will surprise you all.
The film ' From Here To Eternity' was supposed to be played by Audie Murphy but Frank Sinatra got the part. How? Well remember the Godfather the horses head scene. Believe it or not that was loosely based on the reason why Sinatra ended up in it.Sinatra went for the part and got turned down but then surprisingly ended up with the part. That's the honest true story regardless of what you read.

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Film Star Audie Murphy was the most decorated American combat soldier in World War 2. He won nearly every single medal for bravery and courage they had. Now that's going some.

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08 Sep 2014 10:16:01
Last one - Christopher lee (sarumon from LOTR) was a member of britains special operations executive which was a classified unit during world war 2 where he worked alongside Ian Flemming. Added to that he has a knighthood, speaks 7 languages and at 83 just released his first metal album.

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08 Sep 2014 11:05:57
Golds,

Did you also know when David Morrell wrote the Rambo books, he based the title character on Audie Murphy.

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08 Sep 2014 14:17:53
Heres a very good 1 just for u lot,

Did u know Vin diesel wanted a part in lord of the rings but he kept being turned down, so he made a video of himself reading a section of the book in full lord of the rings gear drinking from a chalice.
Apprently when the actors got tired and bored the director used to play the video to to make them chuckle.

U can not find this video anywhere and if any1 ever comes across it please let me no.
:-)

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07 Sep 2014 15:04:33
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

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07 Sep 2014 10:05:35
Now for something completely different, after the joke fest anyone with a few minutes on their hands could spend it well if they Google Sir Nicolas Winton that's life.
An amazing tribute to an amazing man.
If you don't have to hold back a tear, you might want to check you still have a pulse

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07 Sep 2014 09:18:40
Just in case anyone didn't see the message
The eds have created a new page for discussing
Indian Super League (a football tournament being organized here in india it had the likes of capdivella and Anelka)
Do visit guys especially all indians

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Also freddy L and Robert Pires play over there.

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07 Sep 2014 08:25:27
A guy left work one Friday afternoon but instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend drinking with the boys and blew all his wages.

When he finally got home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife.

After two hours, she stopped nagging and said: 'How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?'

He replied: 'Wouldn't be a problem for me'

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Thursday, the swelling went down just enough for him to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

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{Ed025's Note - romelu lukaku..

RD. that was an awesome joke:):) nice! and everyone, been such a good laugh to read them all, thanks! and well done,,, brilliant. cheesy peas?:):P
COYG andi

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07 Sep 2014 08:19:42
A man goes to the doctor and says: 'Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom.' The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.

The man asks: 'Is it serious, doctor?' and the doctor replies: 'I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg.'

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{Ed025's Note - sati cazorla..

07 Sep 2014 07:10:07
Never Mess with Kids :

A man was seated next to a kid in an airplane. The
man turned to him and said, "Let's talk".

Kid: Ok, what do we talk about?

Man (making fun of d kid): How about nuclear power?

Kid: Very interesting topic. But let me ask u a
question. Horse, cow & deer, all eat grass. Yet deer
excretes pellets, cow flat potty & horse clumps.
Why?

Man: I don't know.

Child: Do you really feel qualified enough to discuss
nuclear issues when you don't know 5hit.

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{Ed025's Note - tranmere..

07 Sep 2014 04:37:06
Time for the showstoppers everyone
Good luck to all

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What's wrong with my showstopper ed?

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{Ed025's Note - if its the one i think reet..it was a bit risque mate, if its not in your opinion re- post it as another ed may have deleted it..

07 Sep 2014 08:29:20
Ed025

it was about the kid who gives the punch line to the guests
It had certain words but without them the joke would have lost its soul
I'll be sending ot again please post it ed
Did you like the joke ed?

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{Ed025's Note - it was very good reet..but even chubby brown would be red faced reading that one mate..sorry fella..

Ed025

Ok at least give me a player rating ed:-(
For anyone interested come over to the following site
www.liverpool - banter.co.uk

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{Ed025's Note - ya ya toure..

Interested in reading the joke

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07 Sep 2014 01:36:26
Answer to the nearest hour will be accepted and like Howard Webb there's no need to show your workings. The year is 2007, a football match lasts ninety minutes, the full match has been played. So if man united aren't winning how many minutes of injury time are left?

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90 more than :-D

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07 Sep 2014 08:09:54
As soon as United score :-)

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07 Sep 2014 00:04:47
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a rubbishzu.
I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?'' He said, ''How flexible are you?'' I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays"
Face it everyone I have won now.

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{Ed025's Note - maybe sharkie...massimo taibi..

06 Sep 2014 23:54:36
Has anybody seen the advert on TV, with Cazorla, Ox and Olly?

Blooming brilliant.

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Yes

Excellent, Santi was funny

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Santi is funny, and I'm pretty sure Flybo loves olly's piece!

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06 Sep 2014 23:53:39
I went to see the doctor and told him I wake up every morning singing " what's new pussy cat'
He said "you've got Tom Jones disease"
I said"I is it Common'
He replied "its not unusual'

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{Ed025's Note - tom huddlestone..

06 Sep 2014 23:45:08
Ok gentlemen i'm about to give you the best joke ever made.









Tottenham hotspur prem league champions 2014/2015

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{Ed025's Note - gareth bale..

06 Sep 2014 23:31:34
A man says to his wife tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time

His wife replys " you're gor a bigger willy than your brother'

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{Ed025's Note - frank lampard..

06 Sep 2014 23:29:57
A priest is about to finish his 'tour of duty', where he had spent 3 years with natives in the jungle, when he suddenly realises he hasn't taught them to speak English.

Walking along with the Chief, he points to a tree and says 'tree'.
The chief says 'tree'.

He than points to a rock and says 'rock'.
The chief says 'rock'.

Suddenly, they hear rustling in the bushes.
They look over the bushes and see two natives in the advanced stages of love making.

"What doing?" Says the Chief, pointing to the two natives.

"Err, he is riding a bike", says the blushing priest.

The Chief takes out a blowdart and fires it into the mans neck, killing him instantly.

"What are you doing?", the priest says, "what have I told you about killing?"

"But", says the Chief, "that's my bike".

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{Ed025's Note - john obi mikel..

06 Sep 2014 23:27:49
What did the grape say when it got a ran other
Nothing it just gave out a little wine

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{Ed025's Note - robert green..