14 Nov 2014 21:06:12
My mate George was bleeding very heavily.

I remembered my first aid training, which said apply pressure.

So I said, "George, if you don't stop bleeding you will die".

It didn't work.
R.I.P George.

{Ed025's Note - on form tonight dags.. :)

1.) 14 Nov 2014
14 Nov 2014 21:28:47
I actually like that dags mate.

{Ed025's Note - well you should know about bleeding chris....you were bleeding awful last season mate.. :)

2.) 14 Nov 2014
I don't want to laugh but I can't help it. Like when u laugh at a naughty kid it makes them want to carry on

That joke made me think of my nan and the last thing she said to me before she passed away. "What are you doing in here with that hammer "

{Ed025's Note - good stuff DG,,wait a minute..DG...derbygooner..DG..dagenham gunner?...is there a similarity there?...me think so..

3.) 14 Nov 2014
14 Nov 2014 22:32:16
Hehe great reply to Chris Ed, love it.

Yep Derby is DG but I'm Dags to avoid confusion, lol.

PS, thank you Chris, I aim to please Sir.

4.) 14 Nov 2014
I said to my wife " they still won't let that poor bloke at work bury his dad"
" Why ever not? She asked
" because he's not dead ' I told her

{Ed025's Note - not bad that mate..not dags standard...but very good.. :)

5.) 14 Nov 2014
Thanks Ed I think that's the best compliment I've ever had, not Dags standard, I'll take that mate :-)

{Ed025's Note - your welcome G62..

6.) 14 Nov 2014
Tonight a friend asked if he could crash on my couch.

I had to explain to him I was married now and that's where I sleep.

{Ed025's Note - not exactly premier league MgM...more scottish 2nd div imo mate..

7.) 15 Nov 2014
14 Nov 2014 23:28:36
I plan on robbing a bank tomorrow.

I'm going to go dressed as a pink gorilla, wear a green wig, clown shoes, nipple tassles and a kiss me Kwik hat, whilst having a lit firework sticking out of my bum.

Whilst there, I'm going to blow up a life size inflatable giraffe to distract the cashier, spray the walls with fluorescent orange paint and sing a rendition of Rick Ashley's "Never going to give you up, never going to let you down".

On exiting, I'm going to poo on the carpet and do a wee wee on the counter whilst doing a dance rendition of Torville and Dean's Bolero.

And I'm going to use a getaway car being pulled by Rudolph the red nose reindeer, the cast of Toy Story and a 3 legged Labrador.

Let's see Crimewatch do a reconstruction of that.

8.) 15 Nov 2014
Dags on form dude

but I does remind me of my fathers last words to me.
"aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

well he was falling of a cliff at the time.